


Drowning In Guilt

by Seblainer



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-24
Updated: 2009-03-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 15:18:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12797154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seblainer/pseuds/Seblainer
Summary: Thanks to muffin_donat2007 for the wondrful banner!When a death occurs in his family, will Justin blame himself, or accept the truth?





	1. The Accident

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

Justin sighed softly, as he unlocked the door to the loft and walked inside. He set his messenger bag on the floor by the door, and then closed the door silently. Scanning the loft, he was relieved that Brian wasn't home.

 

It was 6 o'clock on a Tuesday night, and Justin wanted nothing more than to just sleep the next 72 hours away. He cracked his neck, trying to ease some of the tension that was running through his body, but it didn't help.

 

He felt too stressed out for it to help. Running a hand through his blonde hair, Justin tried to figure out what to do. There were so many things that he needed to do, and only a small amount of time to do them in. 

 

He was in a time crunch, and hated that fact. Justin had four paintings to do for his 'Life Class' at PIFA that were due in three days, two papers to turn in for his 'Art History Class', a shift at the diner on each of those days, and he had to watch Molly tonight.

 

Add that to the fact that he had just started talking to his father again a week ago, and anyone would understand the panic and pressure he felt. Walking into the kitchen area, Justin began to make some coffee.

 

After making sure that the coffee was starting to make, Justin walked back over to where his messenger bag sat, and picked it up. Then he walked back over to the couch, and began to take out the things he would need.

 

After setting up everything, he got up to check on the coffee. Seeing that the coffee was made, Justin grabbed a cup and poured the hot liquid into it. Moments later, after setting the coffee pot back down, he returned to the couch.

 

Taking a quick sip of the steaming liquid, Justin tried to ignore how hot it was, as it burned his throat on the way down. A moment later, he shook his head, and began to work on his first painting for his 'Life Class.'

 

Thirty minutes later he was in the middle of the painting, when the buzzer on the door sounded, announcing the arrival of his mother and sister. Justin pushed a piece of his hair out of his eyes, and walked over to the door.

 

He buzzed his mother and sister up, and then pulled back the sliding door to wait for them. A few minutes later, Justin smiled when he saw them. His mother walked in first, kissing him on the cheek as she walked inside the loft.

 

Molly rolled her eyes, and then walked inside mumbling, "I don't need a baby-sitter." Justin caught his mother's eye, and laughed softly at the look that was currently on her face. She looked completely frustrated.

 

Justin hugged his mother. When Jennifer ended the hug, she smiled at her son. "Thank you Justin, for looking after Molly for me tonight. I really appriciate you doing this, even though it's at the very last minute."

 

Justin shrugged. "It's fine mom. Just have a nice time on your date." Jennifer smiled at her son a second time. She kissed him on the cheek, and then waved to Molly who was sitting on the couch with several teen magazines.

 

When his mother walked out of the loft, Justin closed the door behind her. Then he turned to his sister. "Molly, if you get tired of reading your magazines, you can watch tv. Just don't put it loud. I have a lot of work to do."

 

Molly looked up from the magazine she had started to read. "I thought that you worked for Debbie at the diner on Liberty Avenue." Justin turned and looked at his little sister. "How do you know that? I know Craig didn't tell you."

 

Molly shook her head and then said, "I heard Daphne talking to mom about it one day." Justin nodded. Then he said, "You're right, I do work at the diner. That's not what I'm worried about at the moment, though."

 

Justin sighed softly. Then he said, "What I am worried about, is that I have four paintings due in three days, two papers, and shifts at the diner to worry about." Molly nodded. She was silent for a moment, and then said, "It'll work out."

 

Justin just shrugged. "I'm sure it will. I just have to figure something out. Time management is what it's all about, Mollusk." He went back to working on his painting, eventually finishing the first one an hour later.

 

Justin started the second painting, and was really getting into it. He was losing himself to the peaceful place where all artists go when creating. Suddenly, his cell phone rang. "Hey Molly, can you answer my cell phone?"

 

Molly nodded, and got up to answer it. Justin wiped his hands on a towel, and then accepted his cell phone when his sister handed it to him. "Hello?" There was silence for a moment, and then the shouting began.

 

"YOU SICK PERVERT! WHAT THE FUCK IS MOLLY DOING ANSWERING YOUR PHONE?!" Justin rolled his eyes at his father's words, and then he answered calmly, "I'm watching Molly while mom is out on her date."

 

There was a snort of disbelief on the other end of the phone line, and then Craig said, "WHY THE HELL WOULD JENNIFER LEAVE MY DAUGHTER WITH AN ABOMINATION LIKE YOU!" Justin quickly reeled in his anger.

 

"Mom left Molly with me because she trusts me, and knows I love Molly. Now what do you want, Craig?" Craig growled in anger, and then said, "I'M COMING TO GET MY DAUGHTER. I DON'T WANT HER ANYWHERE NEAR YOU!"

 

Justin rolled his eyes and said, "No, you're not. Mom said for Molly to stay with me, Craig." Craig began shouting again, "YOU LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT, YOU WILL NOT TELL ME I CAN'T SEE MY DAUGHTER!"

 

Justin's hand that held the cell phone to his ear, clutched the small object tightly. His free hand was balled in a fist. Molly looked up from her magazine, obviously heaing their father yelling on the other end of the line.

 

"YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THIS FAMILY, AND YOU ARE GOING TO HELL FOR YOUR SINFUL BEHAVIOR!" Suddenly, there was a loud noise coming from Craig's end of the line. He was still yelling, "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

 

There is the sound of crunching metal and glass breaking, followed by a last scream of, "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!" Then there is only silence from Craig's end. Justin's mouth is hanging open and he can only stare at his phone.

 

Molly watches her brother, wondering what is going on. When he pales, she quickly gets up and walks over to him. Pulling her brother into a hug, she asks, "Justin, what happened?" Justin doesn't answer his sister.


	2. Finding Out

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

It's a few minutes later, and Molly takes Justin's cell phone from his hand. Her brother hasn't said a word in the last ten minutes, and she's getting worried about him. "Justin?" She asks softly, but gets no answer.

 

Molly hangs up her brother's cell phone, and she hugs him. "Justin, look at me. Is dad okay? What happened?" Justin finally snaps out of the daze that he was in, and looks at his sister. "Molly, I think-" He cuts himself off.

 

Justin feels his throat closing up, and tears sting behind his eyes. He squeezes his eyes shut, not wanting to tell his sister what he heard. "Molly-" Molly stares at her brother. His voice sounds so broken, that she gets scared. 

 

"Justin, should I call mom or Brian?" Justin shakes his head no. He clears his throat and says, "No, Molly. I'm sure everything is fine. You know me, I'm just a drama queen." Molly nods, even though she doesn't believe her brother.

 

"Are you going to go back to working on your paintings?" Justin pauses for a moment, and then he shakes his head no. He gets up, and grabs the remote for the TV. Justin hands it to his sister and says, "Watch some TV."

 

Molly stares at her brother for a moment, and then she does as directed. She turns the TV on, and puts it on MTV. Getting comfortable on the couch, Molly starts to watch some music video's. Justin rubs his hands over his eyes.

 

He picks up his cell phone, and tries to call their father back. Justin needed to know that their father was okay. A mechanical voice came on the line saying, "I'm sorry, but the number you are trying to reach, is unavailable."

 

Everything was fucked up. Justin took a deep breath, and then slowly released it. He made himself calm down, and then began to put all his art supplies away. As he finished up fifteen minutes later, and was wiping his hands, his cell phone rang again.

 

Grabbing it, he was surprised to hear his mother's voice on the other end of the line. "Mom what-" Justin quickly quit talking and listened to his mother. She was hysterical, and he was only able to make out a few words.

 

"Your father- accident- hospital." Then the line went dead. Justin quickly shoved his cell phone into his pocket and then got up. "Come on Molly, we need to go to Allegheny General." He had planned for them to go anyway.

 

But now that it was confirmed they were needed, the two siblings needed to move quickly. Justin watched as his sister got to her feet and turned the TV off once more. "Molly, hurry. We need to go meet mom at the hospital." 

 

Molly quickened her pace. Justin grabbed his keys, and pulleds back the sliding door. "Wait for me by the car. I'll be down in a moment. I have to set the alarm and lock up." Molly nods and does as told, leaving Justin to lock up.

 

After locking up, he pulleds his cell phone from his pocket and called Brian. Getting Brian's voice mail, he leaves a message, saying that his father had been in an accident, and to meet them at Allegheny General when he could.

 

A few minutes later, after setting the alarm, locking up, and calling Brian, Justin joined his sister at the car. He unlocked the doors and they goet inside. After putting on their seat belts, the two siblings started for the hospital.

 

Justin snuck a side glance at his sister, as he drove to Allegheny General. She is sitting facing straight ahead, a terrified look on her face. Turning his eyes back to the road to avoid causing another accident, he grabbed Molly's hand and squeezed it gently.

 

"Everything will be okay, Molly. Don't worry." His sister sighed softly, and Justin knew that she didn't believe him. Which is okay, because he didn't believe himself either. It's not long before they pull up at the hospital.

 

Walking inside, the two siblings scanned the area for their mother. They find her and her date, who's name is Tucker, and start over to the twosome. Molly runs over to their mother and Tucker, reaching them before Justin does.

 

Molly hugged their mother, and smiled shyly at Tucker. When Justin reached the small group, he looked at his mother and asked, "How is he?" Jennifer looked at Tucker, and then at Molly. Tucker takes the hint, and takes Molly to get a soda.

 

When Tucker and Molly are out of earshot, Jennifer speaks. "I'm sorry honey. Your father didn't make it. His head slammed against the wheel from the impact, and broke his neck. He died in the ambulance on the way here."

 

Justin closed his eyes, and didn't reply. He didn't know what to say. Justin pulled his mother into a hug, and let her cry. Part of Justin blamed himself for the accident, even though he knew he wasn't to blame. He felt sick about it.

 

After several minutes, his mother fell silent, and wiped her tears away. Jennifer squared her shoulders, and looked a bit better when Molly and Tucker returned. The next thing that happened, surprised the Taylor's and Tucker.

 

Brian walked into the waiting room, and scanned the area looking for Justin. When he spotted the blonde with his family and another man, Brian quickly walked over to them. "I got here as soon as I could. Is he okay?"

 

Brian wasn't asking because he cared. Hell no. Brian hated Craig Taylor with every part of his being. But he knew that Molly was still close to her father, and even though Craig treated Justin like shit, the younger man still cared.

 

He wanted to be there for Justin, and even Molly. The young girl had found a place in his heart, just like her brother had. Only he cared for her as a friend, whereas with Justin, the feelings were deeper since the young man was his lover.

 

Justin looked at his mother, sister, Tucker, and then Brian. Deciding to be polite, he introduced Brian to Tucker as his lover, and then he explained to Brian that Tucker and his mother had been on a date when she got the call.

 

After the introductions, Brian excused himself and Justin, and he pulled the younger man aside. "Well?" He was still waiting for his earlier question to be answered. "He's dead. He broke his neck in a car accident."

 

Brian pulled Justin into a hug. He didn't know what to do to make things better. When Brian felt Justin shaking, he knew that the blonde had started crying. Wanting to comfort his lover, he gently rubbed the young man's back.


	3. Dealing

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view%C2%A4t=Drowning.jpg)

 

After a few moments, Justin pulled away from Brian. He wiped away any and all remaining tears, and walked back over to his mother, Molly, and Tucker. Steeling himself for what he was about to do, Justin said, "I'll take care of the funeral arrangements."

 

Jennifer looked at her son, the expression on her face was one of complete shock. After a moment, she forced herself to speak. "Honey. Justin, you don't have to do this as a way of making up with your father."

 

Justin stared at his mother. "What do I have to make up for? I didn't do anything wrong." "Well, I know you feel bad about what happened with your father and Brian-" "Leave Brian out of this. It's not Brian's fault or mine, that dad was a homophobe."

 

"Justin Taylor! You do not speak ill of the dead!" Justin glared at his mother. "So you want me to act like I'm not happy that he's dead. In case you forgot _mother_ , the two of you abandoned _me_ , not the other way around," He spat in anger.

 

Jennifer's mouth fell open at the way her son was speaking to her. When she began to speak a moment later, she was calm once more. "We were only doing what was best for you at the time, Justin. Surely you can understand that."

 

Tucker sensed that things were about get ugly, and tried to change the topic. "Well, how about those Pittsburgh Steelers, eh?" But Justin would have none of it. "What was best for me? You and Craig wanted me to hide who I am."

 

His voice was soft, but it betrayed the hurt he felt. "You wanted me to be the perfect straight son that you never got, and you sent me to a therapist to try and make it happen! I'm a fag, mother! I always will be! Accept me as I am!"

 

After his outburst Justin turned away from his mother, and muttered a, "Sorry," to Tucker and Molly, before leaving the waiting room. Brian glared at Jennifer, and then said sarcastically, "Nice, Ms. Taylor, real nice."

 

After throwing another glare in Jennifer's direction, he left as well. Molly looked up at her mother. "Mom, why can't you let it go? Do you want to have the same relationship with Justin, as dad did? They hated each other."

 

Then she walked off to get another soda, leaving her mother standing there with her mouth hanging open. Tucker, who had been silent during most of the exchange, said, "Wow. That was harsh." Jennifer only shrugged.

 

Then she said in a whisper, "I deserved it, though. Justin is right. Craig and I did pretty much abandon him, when he came out to us. Then after the bashing, I shoved him off on Brian, so that I wouldn't have to deal with him."

 

Tears fell from her eyes and down her cheeks, and she quickly wiped them away. "I'm sorry, you don't want to hear about my problems with my family..." She turned away from Tucker for a moment and then grabbed her purse.

 

When Molly walked back up a few minutes later, she looked at her mother and said, "Can we leave now? I want to go home and call Justin. I want to make sure that he's okay." Jennifer swallowed, and then turned to Tucker.

 

"I'm sorry about all of this. Could you drop us off back at the restaurant so that I can get my car?" Tucker nodded. "Sure, no problem." The three of them silently walked out to Tucker's car a few minutes later.

 

Tucker drove back to the restaurant. Jennifer and Molly thanked him for the ride. As soon as the car stopped, Molly took off her seat belt, and she bolted from Tucker's car. She ran over to her mother's car. 

 

Jennifer sighed softly, and took off her own seat belt. As she began to open her car door, she heard Tucker speak softly, "Jennifer." She turned back to him, and he said, "Despite the family drama, I'd like to see you again."

 

Jennifer paused for a moment, and then she nodded. "I'd like that too." She smiled at Tucker, and then closed the door to his car gently. Tucker watched as Jennifer walked over to her car, unlocked the doors, and she and Molly slid inside.

 

Jennifer drove back to the house, hating the silence that filled her car. When they pulled up in front of their house, Molly took off her seat belt and bolted for the front door. Jennifer took off her own seat belt as well, taking her time as she walked up the drive.

 

Unlocking the door, Jennifer was startled when her daughter pushed her out of the way, stating that she was going to call her brother. "Oh no you're not! You're going to take a bath and then go to bed young lady."

 

Molly glared at her mother and said, "Even though _you_ might hate Justin, I don't. He's still my brother, and I love him no matter what!" Then she ran upstairs, slammed the door to her room loudly, and locked it.

 

Back at the loft, Justin was majorly stressing out. Brian had been trying to calm him down for the last ten minutes, but nothing was working. The brunette was concerned Justin was going to have a panic attack, and wasn't disappointed.

 

Justin's breathing began to quicken, his heart beat quickly in his chest, and he felt a sudden wave of dizziness wash over him, followed by nausea. A moment later, Brian pushed Justin to a sitting position on the floor.

 

He got up and got the medication his lover had been prescribed. Returning to where Justin was sitting, he began to rub circles on his lover's back. The loft was silent except for Justin, who was still trying to gain control back.

 

Brian told the younger man to put his head between his legs, and just breathe. He didn't know if it would help, but there was no harm in trying. Justin did as instructed, and it looked to Brian like it was helping.

 

When Justin finally calmed down, Brian got up and got the blonde a glass of water. Returning once more to his lover's side, he handed the blonde the glass. Brian opened the bottle of pills, and handed two of 

them to Justin.

 

Justin gratefully accepted them, and quickly swallowed the pills and water. After taking the pills, and finishing off the glass of water, Justin got to his feet. "I'm going to lie down. I've got a headache," He mumbled, leaving the room.

 

Brian watched his lover, as the younger man crawled into bed. After a moment, he got to his feet as well. Walking over to the sink, Brian placed the glass inside and then began to turn off all the lights in the loft.

 

Walking into the bedroom a few minutes later, he shed his clothes and got in bed next to Justin. Seeing that the younger man was already asleep, Brian began to run his fingers through his lover's soft blonde hair.

 

Today had been a shitty day for his blonde, but Brian promised himself he would try and make tomorrow a great day. Looking down at his lover who lay next to him, he wondered when Justin was going to _really_ let himself feel the pain of his loss.

 

Brian knew what Justin was going through. Both of their father's had found out that they were gay, and the two men hated them for it. Brian felt that even though he had wanted his father's love and approval deep down, he really hadn't _needed_ it.

 

Now if he could get Justin to feel the same way. Then maybe his blonde would calm down and eventually be able to move on and live his life. Brian knew that Justin hated himself for the way things had ended with his father.

 

Brian knew that Justin was dealing with his father's death in his own way. Also, he would never admit it, but he was scared that this was going to be the straw that broke the camel's back, and tip Justin over the edge.

 

To Brian, there was no way that things could end any other way but this one. Justin is gay, and Craig had been a homophobe. Neither fact was ever going to change, so the two men would have had nowhere to go from there.


	4. Accepting Reality

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

The next morning dawned bright and early. When Brian woke up it was to find that it was 9 o'clock. He was surprised to find himself alone in bed. A quick survey of the loft told him that Justin had already left for the day.

 

Brian slowly got up, and padded to the bathroom to take a leak. After relieving himself and washing his hands, he picked up his cell phone and pressed 1. Walking over to the fridge, Brian pulled out a container of guava juice.

 

He set the container of juice down on the counter and then walked over to the cabinet. Grabbing a tall glass, he filled it with guava juice. Sighing, Brian decided that it was time to begin his day, even though he didn't want to.

 

After returning the rest of the juice to the fridge, and listening to the message saying that Justin's voice box was full, he hung up. With a sigh, Brian opened his cell phone again, and began to dial Daphne's number.

 

There were three rings, before his lover's best friend answered. "Hello?" Brian paused for a moment and then said, "Daphne, is Justin with you?" There was silence for a second, and then a soft, "Yeah, he is. Justin has been here since early this morning."

 

Brian let out a soft sigh of relief. "Thank god. I didn't want to have to call Jennifer and ask if he was there. She would have probably started ranting and raving the second she realized it was me who had called."

 

Brian heard a small noise from Daphne's end of the phone line, and wondered what had happened. Clearing his throat, he continued. "I woke up, and he wasn't here. I wanted to make sure that he was alright."

 

The last part was said softly, and Daphne was reminded of how sweet and beautiful Prom night had been, until Chris had ruined it. She made a small noise in the back of her throat, and Brian wondered if she was about to cry.

 

He was surprised when she spoke instead, and with a steady voice. "Listen Brian, I know that there was no love lost between you and Craig, but he was Justin's father. Now, I don't know anything about your relationship with your father, but not everyone sees things the same way as you do."

 

Her voice had been surprisingly gentle during the speech, and now Brian understood why Daphne was Justin's best friend. She listened when Justin needed her to, offered her advice or opinion only when it was asked for, and didn't judge him when he made mistakes.

 

Now _that_ , was a devoted best friend. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Brian began speaking once more. "It's not that I want Justin to hate his father like I do mine. I just want him to stop letting Craig have so much power over him. Do you understand?"

 

Daphne speaks, her voice cracking, "I do understand. But I also know that people can't help who they love. Sure, Craig was an asshole, but he was still Justin's father. Because of that fact, Justin felt like he had to get the man's love and approval."

 

The two talked for a few more minutes, and then Brian said that he was going to shower and dress before going to meet them. Daphne agreed with the idea, and told Brian that no matter what he felt for Craig, the important thing was to be there for Justin.

 

With those final words, the line went dead. Brian finished his guava juice, and headed for his closet. A few minutes later he had picked out what he was going to wear. Then, Brian disappeared into the bathroom for a shower.

 

Stepping out of the shower thirty minutes later, Brian dressed and quickly dried his hair. When he was finished, he grabbed his keys, set the alarm, and then left for Daphne's. He pulled up to Daphne's apartment twenty minutes later.

 

Brian cut the engine, undid his seat belt, and got out of the car. He locked the car and walked to Daphne's apartment. Five minutes later, Brian knocked on the door of apartment 402. He smirked when the door flew open mere seconds after he knocked.

 

Daphne was standing before him wearing a pair of skin tight leather pants, a red baby T-shirt, and a pair of red high heels. "Got a hot date?" Brian asked smirking, before kissing the young woman on the cheek.

 

Daphne nodded. "Yeah, I do. But I'm going to cancel. Justin needs me right now, more than I need a date." After a moment, she stepped back, and motioned for Brian to come inside her apartment. "Come on, let's go inside. We can talk more." 

 

Brian nodded and walked into Daphne's apartment. He watched as the young woman closed and locked the door. When she motioned for him to take a seat on the couch, he did. Daphne began speaking again.

 

"Justin has been here since 1 o'clock this morning. He started making arrangements for Craig's funeral. He has been calling relatives as well, he has been doing anything and everything, so that he doesn't have to think."

 

Brian nodded. He understood Justin's actions. Thinking about it hurt too much. So the only way to not think about it, would be to keep yourself busy. Turning back to Daphne, Brain asked, "What else has he been doing?"

 

Daphne sighed. "Justin has been busy nonstop since he got here. He finished the four paintings and two essay's for PIFA, has been taking care of all the funeral arrangements, and I do mean all. Also, Molly was here for two hours."

 

Brian felt a headache forming. Pinching the bridge of his nose, hoping to stop the headache, he asked, "Do you have any aspirin?" Daphne nodded and went got some for Brian. She returned a few minutes later, and handed the tablets to Brian.

 

He took them dry, and then thanked Daphne. Looking the young woman in the eyes, he asked, "What's Justin doing right now?" Daphne replied, "Worrying himself over the many relatives that he still has to call."

 

Brian nodded, and he got up. "I'm gonna go see about him. Do whatever you need to do. Everything will be fine." Then he left the room. Daphne just went into her own room. Brian knocked on the door to Justin's room, before letting himself in.

 

The sight that met his eyes pissed him off. Justin looked like shit. He looked pale and thin, with dark circles under his eyes. Their eyes met, and Brian walked over to the blonde. He took a seat on the bed next to his lover.

 

Justin looked at him for a moment, and then went back to his writing. Brian grabbed the pen and paper from his lover's hands. He set the two objects down on the table, and then told Justin to go to sleep. Justin protested, but Brian eventually won.

 

As the two of them lie in Justin's bed, Brian pulls the smaller man close to his body. He wrapped his arm around his blonde's waist, and said, "You're not going to forget about it by keeping busy. It's always there."

 

Justin sighed, and then said, "I guess I don't want to believe it. I'm having trouble accepting reality. It all happened so fast." Brian nodded, and he pulled Justin even closer. "It's going to be okay." The brunette said softly.


	5. The Funeral/A Surprise

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

The morning of the funeral Justin is completely silent. He and Brian don't have sex in the morning, and both of them know that that's a bad thing. As a matter of fact, the few times that Brian has tried to touch Justin, the younger man has refused.

 

So it's not unexpected that they end up showering separately. What does worry Brian, is that after the two of them finish dressing, (in different sections of the loft, of course) that when he goes to kiss the blonde, the young man backs away from him.

 

Concerned and frustrated, Brian tries to get his blonde to talk. "Justin, there's no hurry. The funeral is in an hour, and it's only a ten minute ride to the church and cemetery." Justin doesn't reply. He just grabs a pair of socks and shoes and puts them on.

 

Brian runs a hand through his brown hair, and sighs softly. He decided to finish getting dressed as well. A few minutes later, the two men finish dressing. Brian walks over to Justin, and tries to hug the younger man.

 

But Justin flinches away from his lover's touch, and he quickly moves away. Brian decides that even though Justin can't help how he feels, the rejection stings a little. The two men stand there for several minutes.

 

Then Brian decides that they need to do something. Because a silent and still Justin Taylor, is a very scary thing to see. Looking into his lover's eyes, Brian says to the younger man, "Do you want to go over there now?"

 

When Justin answers, his voice is barely above a whisper. "Yes." That one word tells Brian that Justin doesn't want to do this. I mean he _really_ , doesn't want to do this. I mean, would you want to go to the funeral of a man who hated you?

 

Brian nods, and then he grabs his car keys off the counter, and motions for Justin to lead the way. The two men walk out of the loft, and Brian sets the alarm and locks the door. Then they take the elevator, and head for Brian's car.

 

The two men get inside the car and buckle up. Brian starts the car, as Justin just stares out the window. A moment later, they are on their way to the church where the funeral is being held. With no sounds coming from the blonde, Brian turns the radio on.

 

The soft sounds of a very familiar song grab Brian's attention, and he cringes when the song, 'Save The Last Dance For Me,' begins to play. He quickly changes the channel, unable to handle remembering Prom night.

 

Justin slowly turned his attention away from the window, and to Brian. "That was the song. The song from the Prom." When Brian doesn't reply, Justin continues. "We were beautiful that night. The dancing we did, I loved it."

 

Suddenly, the car comes to an abrupt stop, forcing Justin to hit his head on the window. He rubs the side of his head that hit the window. "Brian? What's the matter?" Brian stares straight ahead for a moment, before slowly turning to face Justin.

 

He's pale, and looks like he's going to throw up. This worries Justin, so he says, "Brian, what's wrong?" Brian doesn't know which he feels more, like the world is crashing in on him, or like a weight is being lifted off his chest.

 

When he speaks, his voice cracks and he asks, "You remember the Prom?" Justin freezes for a moment, as he remembers that he had forgotten to tell Brian he had gotten the memory of their dance back. Justin had gone to a second shrink.

 

When he had gone to see the second shrink, Justin had ended up getting the memory of their dance back. But now, looking into Brian's concerned eyes, Justin feels bad about forgetting and not telling his lover sooner.

 

His answer is soft, but Brian still hears it. "Yes, I remember the Prom." Brian begins driving again, and asks, "Does anyone else know?" Justin stares down at his gimp hand and says, "Only you, me, and the shrink know."

 

Before Brian can ask anymore questions, they arrive at the church. Getting out of the car, Brian says to Justin, "We can talk about it tonight." Then the two men enter the church. The service is quite long, and for some reason, Justin doesn't cry.

 

It's probably because he has no more tears left for the man who was his father, who was supposed to care about him. As Justin and Brian take a seat next to Molly, Jennifer, and Tucker, the rest of Justin's family stare at them.

 

Justin knows that the rest of his family knows he's gay. He also knows that they are shocked and disgusted that he brought his lover. But Justin decides that he doesn't care. The people he loves and who love him, are sitting with him, and that's all he needs.

 

The service is long, and when it's over, Justin feels bad because he's glad that the whole thing is almost over. As everyone gets back into their cars, Justin catches sight of his mother and Molly, who are still crying.

 

Brian watches Justin watch them. He waits to see if his lover is going to react. When the younger man doesn't, Brian grows nervous. Fifteen minutes later, everyone arrives at the cemetery. Justin and Brian get out of the car, and follow everyone else.

 

When they reach the spot where Craig is to be buried, Justin still has no reaction. Everyone sits down in the chairs that are provided for them, and a second service begins. A few people say few words, and then a priest blesses Craig and the coffin.

 

It's thirty minutes later, and the coffin is being lowered into the ground. Everyone else is crying their eyes out, save for Justin and Brian. When the funeral's over, everyone starts for their cars, so they can go to Jennifer's condo.

 

On the way to Brian's car, Justin pulls his mother aside, and tells her that he's not going back to her house. He doesn't want to deal with his father's family, who are a vicious bunch of homophobes. Jennifer nods in understanding.

 

She kisses her son on the cheek, nods at Brian, and then goes to her car where Molly and Tucker are waiting. Justin and Brian walk to Brian's car. They get inside, buckle up, and then are on their way back to the loft.

 

Back at the cemetery, Jennifer explains that Justin has decided not to come over to the house. Molly looks up at her mother, and then says, "Is it because dad's family doesn't like the fact that he's gay?" Jennifer stares at her daughter in shock.

 

When her mother doesn't reply, Molly just continues. "Because it's true, you know. Dad's side of the family, and even a lot of our side, are a bunch of homophobes. I don't want Justin to get hurt just because some people are jerks."

 

Jennifer doesn't know how to reply to what her daughter is saying. So she just starts the car, and they begin on the way back to the condo. Tucker, who is siting next to Jennifer in the front seat, turns back to speak to Molly.

 

"You know Molly, Justin is very lucky to have a sister like you. A sister who loves him and cares for him no matter what. I'll bet he's very thankful that you accept him for the way he is." Molly nods. "I love Justin no matter what."

 

Tucker smiles at the teenager, and then he turns back to the front seat. He and Jennifer share a smile of their own. A few minutes later, they are pulling up at Jennifer's condo. The three of them get out of the car. 

 

Jennifer squares her shoulders like she is going into battle. But then again, isn't she? Molly copies her mother's actions, and the three of them walk up the drive, and then walk inside the condo. Let the chaos begin.


	6. Fights and Tears

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

Justin and Brian walked into the loft, an hour after leaving the cemetery. They had driven around for an hour by request of Justin. Now they were home, and Brian wanted nothing more than to fuck his brains out, or fall asleep. 

 

Though not necessarily in that order. He tossed his keys onto the counter by the fridge, and then started for the bedroom. Brian shucked off his clothes, and then moved over to the bed. Justin stood there and watched his lover lay down.

 

Brian looked up at Justin, from where he was lying in the bed. "Well, what are you waiting for?" Justin looked at Brian, and unable to help himself he asked, "Do you love me?" Brian rolled his eyes. "Justin, you know I don't believe in love."

 

Justin stood there silently, as Brian continued. "We're fags, not hetero's or dykes. We fuck, and that's it. We're not some stupid stepford fag couple with locks on our doors, like Mikey and the professor or Emmett and Drew."

 

Justin nodded a moment later. "I see, so it doesn't really matter whether or not I'm here. I'm just a fuck buddy that you keep around since you feel like shit because of the bashing. Well you know what, Brian? FUCK YOU! I don't need your fucking pity."

 

There was a moment of silence, and then Justin shouted. "MICHAEL WAS RIGHT, YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME DIE!" After shouting, Justin opened the door to the loft and walked out, slamming the door behind him. 

 

Brian felt another headache coming, and he began to rub his temples, hopping that the pain would stop. It didn't. He couldn't belive that Justin was still questioning their relationship. Sure, Brian wasn't sure if he loved the younger man, but he did care for the blonde.

 

Justin on the other hand, decided to go for a walk. He didn't know where he was going, just that he needed some time alone. Justin was gone for a long time, though he didn't notice it at first. The blonde had been too wrapped up in his thoughts.

 

The thing that brought Justin out of his thoughts, was the sound of a familiar voice. When he realized who the voice belonged to, he froze. It was Chris Hobbs. Justin quickly turned around, so as not to be caught off guard.

 

"What the fuck do you want Hobbs?" Justin asked, staring at his former classmate. "I just wanted to see how the weak little fairy was doing. It's not everyday that I get to see my favorite victim." Chris hissed at Justin.

 

Justin stood his ground. "Fuck you, Hobbs. You just want me to jerk you off again. I know I'm good, but I could never be with you. I don't date guys who hide in the closet." Chris grabbed Justin's shirt, and slammed him into a nearby wall.

 

"Shut up, you little faggot! If you fuck with me, I'll take a bat to the other side of your head! This time you won't wake up." Justin had changed a lot since the bashing. The new Justin wasn't going to take shit from this idiotic asshole.

 

So, he pushed the other man back against the wall, and they began to fight. The two men punched each other, repeatedly. In the end, three cops had to break them up. The cops separated the two men, and Chris glared in Justin's direction, before storming off.

 

When the cops questioned Justin, he gave them one word answers in a clipped voice. When they let him go, he went back to the loft. Walking inside the loft, Justin paused when he heard Brian shout out, "Holy shit!"

 

He waited to see what his lover was freaking out about. "Justin, what the fuck happened to you?!" Justin didn't reply. He just shrugged and went to get something to drink. "Justin, fucking answer me already! I just got a call from Carl."

 

Justin had poured himself a glass of water, and had been about to take a sip when Brian mentioned Carl. "What did he want?" The blonde asked, and then took a sip of his water. Brian stared at his lover. "He said you got into some trouble."

 

Justin laughed, and then he set his glass down. "Some trouble? No. Actually I'm just fine." Brian glared at the younger man. "Justin, you have a bloody nose, a busted lip, and a black eye. I assume it's safe to say you're not fine."

 

Justin looked up at his lover and then said softly, "That fuckin' Hobbs. He started some more shit with me, and I decided that I wasn't going to just stand there and take it. I'm not some weak little fucking faggot."

 

Brian began to gather the supplies needed to take care of his lover's injuries. His eyes nearly popped out of his head, at Justin's words. "Justin, what did you do? You don't want him to do a repeat of the Prom, do you?" 

 

Justin shook his head no. "But Brian, I got him back this time. I really did." A few tears escaped Justin's eyes, and fell down his cheeks. "I'm not a weak little faggot." Justin repeated, in case his lover didn't believe him. 

 

Brian walked over to the younger man, and pulled his blonde into a hug. He couldn't believe that they were having this conversation. Brian wondered if the younger man had lost his mind, when going after the guy who had put him in a coma.

 

"No, you're not a weak little faggot. You're brave as hell. You've stood up to your father, to Hobbs, to the idiots at PIFA, and you've probably done a lot of other things, ones that I have no clue about. You're fucking brave, Justin."

 

Justin looked at his lover. "Brian, why don't you act with me the way you did at the Prom? When we were dancing, I could tell that you cared for me. I even thought that you loved me. But ever since the bashing, it seems like you don't want me around anymore."

 

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth, and he tried to decide how much to tell Justin about his shitty childhood. After a moment, he began to speak. "My father was a drunk who liked beating me, and my mother was emotionally unavailable."

 

There was silence as Brian let Justin absorb the truth of his words. Then he continued speaking. "Which is a nice way of saying that my father was an asshole, and my mother was a bible toting, cold hearted bitch."

 

Brian's words are again met with silence, so he continues. "When you started to stalk me after I slept with you, I figured that you would find out what an asshole I am, and then you would give up. But you didn't."

 

Brian sighed softly. "You kept after me, until I got used to having you around. Then you asked me to your Prom. I freaked out about that, my birthday and getting another year older. I almost offed myself. I would have, too. If Mikey hadn't found me."

 

Justin's mouth dropped open in a silent 'O' of surprise. "After Mikey found me, he said a few things that made me think, and I decided to show up for your Prom. We danced and kissed, and I tried to find the words to tell you my feelings for you."

 

Brian closed his eyes as he let the memories wash over him. "Then when you turned around to go and get Daphne, since you were her date, you turned back to me, and you smiled. That's when I knew why Debbie calls you Sunshine."

 

Tears fell from Brian's eyes, but he ignored them. "It happened before I could even blink. Chris hit you, and you dropped to the ground and never moved. I hit Chris in the knee with the bat, and then went to check on you."

 

Brian has to stop for a moment, so he can clear his throat. Then he continues. "There was so much blood, and you never moved. I started shouting, and someone must have heard me and called 911. An ambulance showed up, and took us to the hospital."

 

Justin pulled Brian close to him, and he hugged the older man, urging his lover to continue. "I rode with you to the hospital, and I called Mikey. I felt that you got hurt because of me. I had just wanted to show up at the Prom and make you happy."

 

Brian sighed. "But instead, you ended up in a coma for three weeks, and in rehab for a month, and I couldn't be around you. I felt like it was my fault you had almost died. If I hadn't shown up, you wouldn't have almost been killed."

 

Justin pulled away from his lover. "Brian, Chris was going to hit me anyway. No matter if you were there or not. He had the bat in his car. I was just lucky you called my name out when you did, or I would've died."

 

The two men held each other, and fell silent after those last words. Both men had tears in their eyes, because they were both happy and sad. The happy tears were because Justin was alive. The sad tears, were for the pain they had gone through.


	7. The War Begins

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

It was the next day, and Justin and Brian had been sleeping peacefully until the phone rang. Justin forced open his eyes, and reached over Brian to grab the phone. "Hello?" He asked softly, his voice hoarse from sleep.

 

"Justin, it's mom. I'm sorry to be calling so early, but I was wondering if you would come over today. I'd like to speak with you, and I know that your father's family would like to see you." Justin let out a huff of disbelief at his mother's words.

 

"You've got to be kidding me." Justin said as he pulleds out of Brian's grasp, and left the bed. He walked over to the fridge and began to fix himself a glass of orange juice. Justin listened as his mother tried to assure him that everyone wanted to see him.

 

He lets his mother go on for several minutes, before finally stopping her. When Justin spoke, his voice was soft and she knew that he was serious. "If I absolutely have to show up, then Brian is going to come with me." Jennifer let out a relieved sigh.

 

"No problem honey, I understand. I'll see you two boys in an hour." The last part is said in a rush, and before Justin can respond, his mother hangs up. "Fuck." Justin mumbled softly, tossing his cell phone on the counter.

 

Setting his orange juice down, he rubbed his hands over his eyes. After a moment, Justin glanced at the clock. It's only 6 o' clock in the morning. "Shit." He groaned softly. Seconds later, a pair of arms wrap around his waist, startling Justin.

 

"Shit!" Justin jumped when he felt Brian's arms slip around his waist. Brian turned Justin to face him, and he kissed his blonde. Pulling back a few moments later, Brian ended the kiss. He grabbed everything to make his morning coffee.

 

The brunette started making the coffee moments later. He tossed over his shoulder, "So, what did you mother want? But most importantly, what have you gotten us into?" After making sure that everything is working right, Brian turned to face his blonde.

 

"Well?" The brunette placed his left hand on his hip and waited. Justin rolled his eyes, and then began to explain what he talked about with his mother. Brian shook his head at his lover, and then said the words he never thought he'd say to Justin.

 

"Sunshine... you are so-" Justin cut him off, feeling like Mikey in this instance, and immediately hates the feeling. "Pathetic, I know. But she's my mother, Brian. She would have bugged the shit out of me, and probably even you, if I didn't agree to go."

 

Brian nodded and then asked, "Now that your excuse is out of the way, what's the real reason you want to go?" Justin met the brunette's eyes and said, "To piss off some homophobes, of course." Brian started laughing.

 

He laughed when Justin smirked after speaking. It took Brian a few moments to control his laughter, but when he does, he pulls the blonde close for a kiss. After ending the second kiss as well, Brian says, "Well now, looks like a day of fun ahead of us."

 

The two men smirk at each other. Justin licks Brian's neck and then says, "Last one to the shower has to be sappy and romantic when we get to my mom's condo." Then Justin bolted for the bathroom, with Brian right behind him.

 

Brian caught the blonde quickly, and carried his lover into the bathroom. Setting Justin on the counter, he says, "Win or lose, I'll play the romantic boyfriend today no matter what. The look on their faces is enough to make me want to."

 

Justin laughed, because he could about imagine the horrified looks on the faces of his father's relatives. As they began their shower, Brian began washing Justin's body. As he washed the blonde's body, his hand went lower and lower, until reaching Justin's hard cock.

 

Brian smirked and began to jerk the younger man off, loving how Justin moaned. After Justin comes, he rests for a few minutes. Then he lowered his hand, and began to caress Brian's cock. He loves when the brunette moans a moment later.

 

After several more minutes of torture, Brian quickly turned his blonde around. He grabbed a condom off of the soap dish, and tore it open with his teeth. Brian smirked when he heard Justin moan at the sound of the wrapper tearing.

 

He rolled the condom on his dick, and then quickly thrusted into Justin's ass. Brian knews that the younger man didn't want to be prepared today. He could sense it. As if reading his thoughts, Justin lets out a loud moan of approval.

 

The two men get lost in their wonderful game of pleasure, each thrust bringing both men closer and closer to the point of no return. Before either of them are ready, they each ride out the waves of their orgasms.

 

After a few moments, Brian pulled out of Justin. He tied off the condom, and opened the door to the shower. He throws the condom into the trash. Then Brian closed the door, and they took a real shower this time.

 

Twenty minutes later, the couple are pulling up at Jennifer's condo. Justin sits in the car thinking about something. When Brian goes to get out of the car, he grabbed the brunette's arm. Brian stopped when he felt Justin's hand on his arm.

 

Turning to face his favorite blonde, Brian asked softly, "What's wrong?" Justin sighed softly and asks, "How should I introduce you?" Brian shrugged and then said, "However you want to." Then he got out of the car.

 

Justin pauseds for a moment, and then got out as well. He locked his car, and then joined Brian. The two men walk inside, and the moment they do, Justin regrets it. Everyone except for his mother, Molly, Tucker, and the Liberty Diner Gang, stood frozen.

 

Brian felt Justin freezing up next to him, so he takes the younger man's hand in his. Suddenly, a young voice yells out, "Dad, what's a fag?" Justin closed his eyes for a moment, and as he does so, Jennifer started to get up.

 

Tucker put his hand on Jennifer's arm, stopping her. Looking at the blonde, he said softly, "Let Justin handle this." Jennifer stared at Tucker for a moment, and then she just nodded and squeezed his hand gently.

 

Justin opened his eyes, and then addresseds his 9 year old cousin Mark, who had asked the question. "A fag is an insulting term for men who like other men. Something that my father used to call me a lot, after I came out to him."

 

The entire room is quiet, and then several of Justin's aunts and uncles start yelling at his mother. They ask how she could let her son turn into something so disgusting. After about ten minutes of listening to this, Justin whistled loudly.

 

When he hads everyone's attention, he began to speak once more. "Listen up, and listen good. Because I'm only going to say this once. I'm a gay man, and I'm in love." Lifting his hand that is still being held by Brian's, he continues.

 

"My partner's name is Brian Kinney, and we are going to be together whether you like it or not. If you have any problems with the fact that I'm gay, or you are thinking of trying to change me in any way, then I will only say this, 

"FUCK YOU!"

 

The noise that follows Justin's outburst, are tons of yelling voices demanding respect. As Justin lets go of Brian's hand, and turns to go and get a drink, his aunt Mary approaches him. "You're a sick excuse for a human being!"

 

His aunt hissed at him. Justin is about to reply, when his aunt cuts him off. "You're a disgrace to this family, and that boy should have killed you when he hit you. Your kind are going to hell." Justin glareds at his aunt.

 

Then he begins to speak. "You're a sick excuse for an aunt. As to being a disgrace to this family, well maybe I don't want to be part of your family any more. As to you wanting me dead, well I'm not. I'm alive and well."

 

There's a moment of silence between the aruging relatives, and then Justin continues. "One last thing. If I'm going to hell, then I'll remember to save a special place for you. I'll save you the seat right next to me and Brian."

 

Justin smirks. "You have to be right next to us, so you can watch us commit our acts of perversions, and tell us off." His aunt Mary huffed in disgust, and then stormed off. Brian quickly walked up to him, and asked what happened.

 

Justin heard something, and he turned to see his mother, Tucker, and Molly, clapping and smiling their approval. The rest of the Liberty Diner Gang is, as well. Turning back to Brian, the blonde only smirked and said, "The war begins."


	8. Drowning Pt. 1

  
Author's notes: This chapter is a time jump. It's three months after Craig dies.  


* * *

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

Justin sighs softly, as he walks into the diner for his morning shift. He heads over to the counter, and goes to get his apron. The blonde rolls his eyes as he hears the sound of Michael's loud laughter ringing through the diner.

 

After putting on his apron, he grabs his pencil and pad to take orders. Justin takes a moment to calm down, before walking up to Michael and the others. Looking at Michael, he says, "Are you guys ready to order?"

 

Michael nods, and then he begins to rattle off his order of a hamburger, fries, and a coke. Justin writes down the order, and then he turns to Ted. Ted orders scrambled eggs and a coffee. Justin looks at Emmett.

 

The flamboyant man smiles sweetly at him, and orders the Pink Plate Special and a glass of milk. Justin writes Emmett's order down, and then turns to Brian. "Are you going to eat anything, or just live on your usual, coffee?"

 

Brian smirks, and then says, "Actually, I want some eggs, bacon, and _then_ a coffee." Justin quickly writes down Brian's order. Then he leaves the group of friends, and goes to place the order. After that, Justin takes more orders.

 

After placing those orders, the cook rings the bell, and he goes to get Michael and the boy's orders. Justin carries all of their plates, and as he goes to set them down, his gimp hand starts to shake. He almost drops one of the plates.

 

But Brian catches the plate before it hits the table. "Shit!" Justin cursed, and then he quickly sets down everything else. "Sorry." He muttered softly, and taking the towel off his shoulder, wiped the table and then walked off.

 

Brian watched Justin as he walked off. The other three occupants of the booth watch Justin for a moment too, before digging into their meals. Brian gets up, and walks over to Justin, who is massaging his gimp hand.

 

Walking up to the blonde, he asks softly, "Where were you this morning? You were gone when I woke up, and yet you were late for your shift." Justin sighs softly. "I had to turn in my two essay's and four paintings for PIFA."

 

Brian nods, and then he pauses and asks, "Did you complete them?" Justin sighs. "Yeah, I did. I had to turn them in late, and because of that, I got a C+. I need to keep my grades up, or I'm screwed, and without lube."

 

As Justin turns to start working again, Brian grabs his arm. Turning the younger man to face him once more, he says, "Be careful with your hand, Justin. I know that you have a lot to do, but don't try and force it."

 

The blonde nods, and then he goes back to work. A few hours later, at PIFA, Justin is working on two paintings in class. His hand starts to cramp up, and he sighs softly in pain, and has to stop to flex his hand for a moment.

 

As Justin flexes his hand, he glances up at the two paintings he was working on. They were both dark, and looked almost haunting. It was like he had told the dean after the bashing. He didn't see things the same way anymore.

 

The first painting before him now, was a swirling mass of colors. Red, blue, green, yellow, black, and orange. Each color represented something, but what, Justin had no idea. The second painting was what he had imagined the car accident looked like.

 

In the corner there was even a small picture of what he imagined his father had looked like, when the man had broken his neck. Justin shivered a bit as he looked at both of the paintings, and then he silently got up.

 

He grabbed a sheet, and placed it over the two paintings. Then Justin picks up his two paintings, and sets them beside his messenger bag. He washes his hands, and then begins to pack up all of his paint and everything else. 

 

After everything is packed and ready to go, Justin silently slings his messenger bag across his shoulder. Then he picks up his paintings and the white sheet, and heads for the loft. Justin rides the city bus to get home.

 

Justin remembered what had happened the day after the funeral, when he had gone to his mother's condo. His aunt Mary tried to make his life a living hell. Well, he wasn't going to let that happen. No, not again.

 

Justin laughed out loud at the thought. She was too late. Chris Hobbs had already done that. The idiot jock had almost taken away the most important thing in Justin's life, his art. His aunt had started to rant and rave to another one of his relatives. 

 

Pretty soon the whole fucking condo was in an uproar. Almost everyone was freaking out about what Justin had said to his aunt Mary. The only person on his father's side of the family that wasn't freaking out, was his father's mother.

 

Justin's grandmother Lily, was a pretty open-minded woman. When she walked up to him, and didn't start yelling, but only hugged him, he had actually began to cry. Justin's family, Brian, Tucker, and the Liberty Diner Gang, stood a few feet away.

 

They watched as Justin and his grandmother hugged. They were so surprised that someone who had lived in the times when gays were barely tolerated, was taking the fact that her grandson was gay, extremely well.

 

Justin had spoken to the Liberty Diner gang, and the small group of his family that actually cared for him, and then they had quickly left the condo, to return to the loft. Justin blinked, and then he shook away the memories.

 

Standing in front of the loft door, the blonde set his paintings down and then pulled his keys from his pocket. Justin unlocked the door, entered the code to stop the alarm, and then brought his paintings inside the loft.

 

Closing the door, Justin locked it and set the alarm once more. Then he took the white sheet off his paintings, and set the sheet on the floor near the wall in the bedroom. After that, Justin grabbed his paintings, and laid them on the sheet to dry.

 

Glancing at the abstract painting, Justin felt like it was haunting, in a way. The painting showed how he felt. The blonde felt like he was slowly drowning, and there was no one to help him. He felt completely doomed.

 

The painting showed how guilty Justin felt about his father's death. That he blamed himself, for the car accident. Justin knew his father's death wasn't his fault, but he couldn't help but blame himself for it happening.

 

If they hadn't been arguing on the phone, then his father never would have had the accident and died. During the whole time Justin had been thinking about all of this, tears had started falling from his eyes and down his cheeks.

 

Only when the young blonde forced those thoughts away, did he realize that he had been crying. Justin wiped his eyes, and then he walked over to the bed. He got into the bed, and silently pulled the duvet over himself.

 

Brian wouldn't be home for another few hours. Justin knew that the brunette hadn't been to Babylon in quite a while, and he wondered if the man would go out tonight. Pushing that thought from his mind, he got comfortable.

 

Justin curled up in the duvet, and closed his eyes. He began to drift off with thoughts of drowning in life, and drowning in emotions, dancing in his blonde head. Sometimes even sleep can't help you escape from everything.


	9. Suspicions

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

Brian sighed softly, as he grabbed his briefcase and coat. He pulled his keys from his pocket, and on the way out of his office, tells Cynthia she can go home as well. Brian glanced at his watch, as he walked out to his car.

 

It was 8 o'clock. Hmm. It's still pretty early. Brian thought, as he unlocked his car and slid inside. He closed and locked his door before putting on his seatbelt. Then Brian put his key in the ignition and started up his car.

 

Before he knew it, he was pulling up on his street. Pulling up in his parking space, Brian parked and then cut the engine. He ran a hand through his brown hair, and then took off his seatbelt. Brian took the keys out of the ignition.

 

Grabbing his briefcase and coat, he started for the building. A few minutes later, Brian was walking inside. Heading up to his loft, he wondered if Justin was home yet. A smile crossed his features at the thought of his partner.

 

The young blonde was one of the best things that had ever happened to him, with Gus of course, being the first. Brian smiled as he remembered the night both blonde's had entered his life. His son and partner had come to him on the same night.

 

Though Brian hadn't known just how important Justin would become to him. Unable to stop smiling, he went inside the building. Taking the elevator, Brian arrived at his floor a few minutes later. He stepped out, and then headed for his loft.

 

Unlocking the door, Brian quickly turned off the alarm as it began screaming. After re-setting the alarm, he set his briefcase and coat down on counter. Undoing his tie, Brian looked around. He saw Justin's paintings drying on the white sheet.

 

Then the brunette looked in the bedroom and smiled at the sight of his partner sleeping. However, after a moment, Brian turned back to the paintings. Both paintings alarmed him. They were pretty much screaming out their messages.

 

He looked at the painting of the colors and it made him feel depressed. The painting was beautiful of course, but the brunette couldn't help but feel depressed. The emotion that was in the painting, spoke volumes to Brian.

 

Then he looked over at the other painting. The one Justin had done of the accident. Actually, it was what the blonde thought the accident looked like, since Justin hadn't actually been there. Brian had to finally force himself to look away.

 

The paintings were so beautiful, but so sad and haunting at the same time. Shaking his head, he began to take off the rest of his clothes. A few moments later, Brian crawled into bed, and slid under the duvet with his partner.

 

"Justin, I wish you would tell me what's going on in your mind..." The man whispered to his blonde, as he ran his fingers through his partner's soft hair. The younger man didn't even move or wake up. He was sleeping hard.

 

Brian began to shiver a little, as he felt the cold air of the loft hitting his skin. Pressing a soft kiss to Justin's lips, he silently got up from the bed and walked over to the closet. Grabbing some clothes, Brian then headed to take a shower.

 

A few minutes later, Justin slowly woke up. He thought he had felt something on his lips, like maybe a small kiss. Opening his blue eyes, the blonde looked around and wondered if Brian was home from work yet.

 

As his eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, he glanced around, and then spotted something by the computer desk. Getting up, Justin fumbled for the blue lights, and quickly turned them on. The blonde breathed a sigh of relief a moment later.

 

He had spotted Brian's briefcase and his coat by the desk, and several of his partner's items of clothing all over the loft. Yawning, Justin got up slowly and he headed to the bathroom, where he heard the shower running.

 

The younger man walked into the bathroom, and then he quickly shed his clothes. A moment later, Justin opened the door of the shower, and stepped inside. He smiled when Brian's surprised gaze met his. "Hey." The blonde said softly.

 

Brian smiled when he heard and saw his partner enter the shower with him. "Hey yourself. How was your day? More importantly how are you, and your hand?" Justin shrugged. "My day was okay. I got all of my work done."

 

The blonde paused for a moment before continuing. "I'm a bit tired, and my hand is cramping a little. Other than that though, I'm right as rain." The younger man said, trying to make light of the situation. Brian sighed softly.

 

"Justin, I'm not going to tell you what to do. You're an adult, and you know your limits and how much your hand can take. On that front, I'm only going to say this, please be careful. Now, we need to talk about your paintings."

 

Brian had his suspicions about what his partner was feeling. The brunette guessed that his partner was depressed, sad, and angry. He only had a little proof, but the man hoped that he was just blowing things out of proportion. 

 

Justin rolled his eyes, when Brian mentioned his new paintings. Then he said seriously, "I don't want to. End of discussion." Brian rolled his eyes. His partner was acting the same way that he did, when it came to talking about their feelings.

 

As the blonde finished washing and rinsing his body and hair, he opened the shower door again, and was about to go and get a towel. But Brian quickly grabbed Justin's arm to stop the younger man from leaving the shower.

 

"Justin, I'm serious. We really need to sit down and talk about your two new paintings." When the younger man only pulled away from him again, Brian said, "Fine. If you're not willing to talk to me, will you at least talk to someone else?"

 

Justin had grabbed a towel, slipped it around his waist, and had been about to walk out of the bathroom. But at the brunette's words, the blonde paused for a moment. "Nothing is wrong. Sometimes I just like to make my paintings with a dark feel about them."

 

Brian sighed. The fact that his blonde was lying to him, only confirmed his suspicions. Not knowing what else to do, Brian got out of the shower as well. He grabbed a towel, and then followed Justin. Then he began to speak.

 

"Justin, I know I can't make you talk, but just know I'm here to listen if you ever need it." Brian felt worry flutter inside of him, but he decided to keep his worries to himself. He didn't want his partner to know that he was panicking.

 

Justin didn't react to Brian's words for a moment. Then when he did, the young blonde only nodded that he had heard and understood his partner's words. After that, Justin turned and he left the bathroom, to go and get dressed once more.

 

Brian silently stood there in the bathroom, wondering if there was anything that he could do for his partner. When the brunette began to shiver once again, he quickly left the bathroom, and then joined his blonde in their bedroom.

 

The two men dressed in silence, and then they both slid into the bed once more. Crawling under the duvet mere seconds after Justin did, he pulled the younger man into his arms, wanting and needing to make sure his partner was okay.


	10. Depression Vs. Anger

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

It's been a month since Brian started to worry that Justin was depressed. Things between the two of them weren't the same. Justin alternate's between being depressed or angry, but never anything else. Brian has no idea what to do to help his partner.

 

Short of sending his partner to a shrink, which Brian doesn't believe in anyway, the brunette was sure that his partner would tell him to fuck off if he even suggested his thoughts to the blonde. On one hand, Brian wouldn't blame Justin at all.

 

But on the other hand, his blonde needs some help. Brian sighs softly, and closes the account that he was working on. He was getting absolutely nowhere and decided that it was time to take a break. So he did. Brian sighed again.

 

Justin still blamed himself for his father's death, and no matter how hard Brian tried, he couldn't convince his partner that Craig's death wasn't his fault. Every single time that he brought the subject up to Justin, the blonde either got depressed or angry.

 

Even though Brian was glad to finally see Justin acting out his emotions and feelings in some sort of way, he knew that the way Justin was going about things, was unhealthy. The blonde was either quiet and withdrawn or loud and angry.

 

Brian was never sure which version of his partner he would be getting each day. Today the blonde had been withdrawn and silent the entire morning. Brian really hated mornings that started in that manner. His partner was usually a chatterbox, but not today.

 

Justin had been sitting down on the floor in the bedroom, a sketchpad in his lap, simply starring off into space. Brian had tried repeatedly to get the attention of his partner, but was unsuccessful each and every time. So, Brian had decided to watch the blonde instead.

 

After several more minutes of silence had passed, Brian got up and walked over to his partner. He took a seat on the floor next to Justin, and pulled the young blonde close, by pulling the younger man into his lap. Brian was relieved when Justin didn't resist.

 

Pulling the younger man close to his chest, the brunette started stroking the blonde's hair. The two men continued to sit in silence, each one consumed with their own thoughts for the time being. Finally, Justin blinked and looked at his partner.

 

"Brian?" The blonde whispered Brian's name, and the man in question hugged the smaller man even tighter to his chest. "I'm here Sunshine. You're with me, and you're safe. I've got you." Justin nodded, and he closed his eyes as tears fell down his cheeks.

 

Brian didn't know what else to say, to try and make the blonde feel better, so he just repeated the same words over and over again. They sat together on the floor for an hour, before the anger surfaced. Brian knew each time when the anger came in Justin.

 

It was like he could automatically sense the change in his partner. Suddenly, Brian moved away from Justin, setting the younger man on the floor as quickly but gently as he could. Then the brunette quickly left the room, making it out of the way just in time.

 

Justin had started screaming profanities and was throwing things around in the bedroom again. Brian wondered how much longer they could go on like this. Each time it happened, Brian felt like he was losing the person he loved, more and more.

 

So he took a seat once more at the computer desk, and silently counted the seconds until Justin would come over to apologize for his behavior. It was thirty minutes before the blonde emerged from the bedroom. Justin silently walked over to Brian. He hugged the older man, and then said softly that he was sorry.

 

Brian accepted the hug and the softly spoken words. Then he pulled Justin into his lap and said softly, "Sunshine, I love you. I want to help you. I need to help you. But you need to tell me how." Justin was silent for a moment, and then he said, "Hold me Brian, please."

 

So Brian did. There was so much that they needed to talk about. Even though Brian wasn't a fan of talking, or getting emotional, he knew that if it helped his blonde, then he would do it. The couple sat there for a while, taking comfort in each other's presence.

 

When Brian felt that Justin was calm enough, he let the younger man go. As one, the two men got up and left the bedroom, taking a seat together on the couch. Justin asked if they could go out for dinner, and Brian agreed, but on one condition.

 

The condition was that if Justin started to feel bad or angry, he would say so, so that they could return home. Justin agreed, and they grabbed their coats and headed for the diner. Walking inside, they took a seat at a back booth, far away from Brian's friends.

 

Justin wasn't in the mood to deal with Brian's friends, but especially not the brunette's best friend Michael. The dark haired man got on his nerves the few times that they had been in each other's presence. He knew the older man couldn't stand not being Brian's number one anymore.

 

But those times were now past. Michael had a good man in his life named Ben, and Brian had Justin. The sad thing was that Justin knew if Brian ever changed his mind about sleeping with Michael, or dating him, the dark haired man would dump Ben in a minute.

 

The likes of which, Justin thought was very stupid. Ben is a very smart man with nice looks. Ben is also intelligent and cares deeply for Michael, though for the life of him, Justin just doesn't understand why. It seemed that to everyone else Michael was the perfect sweetheart, but when it came to him, Justin, Michael acted like a piece of shit

 

Well Justin wasn't going to stand for it any longer. He was tired of being called a trick by the man who is supposed to be Brian's best friend. When Kiki came and took their order, Michael walked over to their table, and took a seat across from Brian. "So Brian, why didn't you join us for dinner?"

 

Justin rolled his eyes. Michael annoyed the complete shit out of him, but for Brian's sake he had never told the man to fuck off yet. Justin decided to speak up. "Brian is having dinner with me, Michael. You can see him in the morning for breakfast." 

 

Michael shook his head no. "You're just a trick, and I don't know what you did or how you blackmailed him into doing this, but Brian DOES NOT CARE FOR YOU. YOU ARE JUST A NICE PIECE OF ASS THAT HE WILL THROW AWAY ONCE HE IS DONE WITH YOU." Justin got to his feet. 

 

"Fuck you, asshole. You claim to be Brian's best friend, but you aren't. You call him an asshole all of the time, and try to keep him from being happy, by encouraging him to trick all of the time, instead of trying to find someone to spend his life with. When he does finally start to care for someone who isn't YOU, you automatically become a bigger ass then you were in the beginning. So my advice to you, is to mind your own fucking business, and fuck off!"

 

After that, Justin left the diner. Brian got up, and glared at Michael angrily. Michael stared at Brian in anger. "Why are you being so nice to that trick, Brian? What does he have on you?" Brian rolled his eyes. "Have you ever stopped to think that I might actually want someone of my own to love, Michael?"

 

Michael wouldn't give up. "But he's just a trick!" Brian glared one last time, before going after Justin. Vic, who had just walked in, had seen and heard the whole thing. "Brian does have a point, you know. He does deserve to have someone to love, and someone to love him, just as much as the rest of us do."


	11. Drowning Pt. 2

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

Justin still felt like he was drowning. The blonde felt like anything and everything was caving in all around him. After Brian had gone after him last night, they had gone home and made love for hours on end. Justin needed to know for sure that he was not just a trick.

 

Brian needed to tell Justin that he loved him, in the best way that he knew how. So the couple spent several hours in bed showing each other how much they love one another. Sadly for Justin though, the happiness only lasted for a couple of hours.

 

As soon as Brian had fallen asleep, Justin had gotten up and started to pace every inch of their home. The blonde just couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t sketch or paint. Hell, he barely ever wanted to even get out of bed anymore. That’s how bad things had become.

 

Justin just couldn’t accept the fact he had nothing to do with his father’s death. The blonde blamed himself for it all of the time, even though no one else blamed him. Justin felt like he was starting to go crazy, and had no idea what to do to be able make things better.

 

Brian had tried talking to him, but it wasn’t helping. Justin wasn’t sure that he could even talk to anyone about what he was feeling. There was so much going on inside of him right now, that the blonde wasn’t sure which emotion he was feeing more than the others.

 

Justin’s mother had tried to talk to him. So had Debbie, Emmett, Daphne, and Vic. But nothing was helping. The blonde felt like he was drowning in guilt over his father’s death, and there was nothing that anyone could do or say, that would make things better.

 

Even Molly had come to understand that her brother blamed himself for the death of their father. She told him repeatedly, that it wasn’t his fault, but Justin was just not listening. He felt like there had to be some kind of way to make things up with his father. 

 

Justin hated the idea that his father had died hating him. He wanted nothing more than to hide from the rest of the world now, but something inside of him, just wouldn’t let that happen. Justin knew that he could be strong, and that he was. It was just hard to believe.

 

Brian had told Justin to just forget Craig. But when that didn’t happen, the brunette had asked his blonde how someone who was dead could bother him so much. Justin explained to Brian that no matter what, he would probably always be afraid of Craig.

 

Brian had nodded, and he accepted the words that Justin had said. He understood what it was like to be scared of one of the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally. But that didn’t matter anymore, because Brian and Justin had each other now, and their joined families.

 

Brian looked over at Justin, who was pacing their home from top to bottom. Though he wasn’t sure, the brunette thought that he had heard his partner pacing their home the entire night. With a soft sigh, Brian dragged himself out of bed and went to see about the younger man.

 

Brian walked over to Justin, and he encouraged the blonde to sit down. But Justin just couldn’t sit still. Brian asked the blonde if he wanted to take something to help calm down, or to even help him sleep. Justin looked up at Brian. “There are a lot of medications that I can’t take, because I’m allergic to them.”

 

Brian nodded and then asked, “Like what?” Justin sighed and then replied, “Tylenol.” Brian raised an eyebrow in question. “Who the fuck is allergic to Tylenol?” Justin looked his partner in the eyes and said, “I am. It’s not something that I can help, and before you ask, yes it’s true. I’ve already had an allergic reaction to it once.”

 

Brian was curious. “How?” Justin laughed bitterly. “When I was younger one of the girls who used to babysit me, gave it to me one time when I was sick. I was too young to know not to take it, and the girl hadn’t listened when my mother had told her that I’m allergic to it. So suffice it to say, that we had to make a trip to the nearest hospital, and my parents were called.” 

 

Brian cringed. “That sounds like it was about as fun as getting teeth pulled without being doped up.” Justin nodded and said sarcastically, “It was.” The two men continued to share things in their life with each other, for the rest of the day.

 

At one point during the day, Justin had asked if Brian was going to work. Brian had shaken his head no, and then pulled the blonde in for a kiss. When the two men pulled apart several minutes later, Brian asked if Justin wanted to go to a museum.

 

He smiled when Justin agreed to go. Sure, his blonde wasn’t as excited as Brian had hoped he would be, but then depression did that to people. It took away joy from the things that made them happy. The thing that was worrying Brian the most, was that Justin had barely sketched or painted since Craig died.

 

The brunette knew that it was a sign of the guilt that Justin was currently feeling. Brian hoped that his blonde would realize soon, that Craig’s death really was an accident. He wouldn’t know what to do, if his partner began to sink into an even deeper depression, or if the younger man decided to leave him.

 

However, from the way the younger man as acting, it seemed like the second bout of guilt and depression had already set in. Brian wondered if he was going to have to seek some help for Justin. He really hoped that that wouldn’t end up being the case.

 

The brunette knew that he would do anything for his partner; as long as he got back the man he knew and loved. Even if it meant that they had to seek professional help. Brian had always believed that seeing a therapist was complete crap.

 

But if it helped get the blonde back to his normal self, and into a hell of a lot better frame of mind, who the fuck was he to stand in the way? Now that a plan was forming in his mind, Brian felt a little better about being able to help Justin now.


	12. Changing For The Better

  
Author's notes: This chapter is VERY anti-Michael. Just a warning.  


* * *

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

Justin didn’t know what to do. They had just gotten back from the museum. The two men were sitting together on the couch, when there was a knock on the door. Justin got up to go to the bathroom, while Brian got up to go and answer the door. Justin listened as Brian slid the door back, and then cringed when he heard Michael’s voice.

 

“So Brian, you finally got rid of him. I hate to say it, but I told you so. You should just stick to picking up tricks, anyway. I mean, you’re not the relationship type of guy. You hate them, and everything they stand for. So I’m glad that you got rid of that blonde before he took over your life. Besides, even if you were ready for a relationship, it surely wouldn’t be with that kid.”

 

Brian had been standing there listening to the man who was supposed to be his best friend, talk about his partner. He was getting angrier with each second that passed, as Michael continued to talk badly about Justin. Finally, he snapped. “Shut the fuck up, Michael! Justin and I are still together. I’m in a relationship now! I’m finally growing up, and you should think about doing the same!”

 

Michael spluttered in disbelief. “But you don’t know how to be in a relationship! You just like nice asses to fuck!” Justin walked out of the bathroom at those words. “Look, what Brian does and doesn’t do, isn’t your business. So I would appreciate it, and I think that Brian would too, if you would just leave.”

 

Michael glared at Justin. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You can’t tell me to leave! This isn’t your home! Brian only keeps you around because you’ve got a nice ass.” Justin laughed at Michael’s words. “Who am I? I’m the man that Brian sleeps with, MORE than once. I’m the man he loves, and calls his partner. I’m the man who lives with him. So if I say get out, get the fuck out of here!”

 

Justin walked over to the door and opened it. He waited for Michael to leave. When it didn’t automatically happen, the blonde waited to see what Michael was going to do. “Brian! Why are you just standing there letting him talk to me this way?! I’m your best friend!” Brian looked at Michael and then said softly, “Not anymore.” Michael screeched, “WHAT?!” Brian sighed. “Justin’s my partner. He’s my best friend now, Michael.”

 

Michael turned and glared at Justin. “All you’ve ever done since you came into Brian’s life is fuck everything up! He was perfectly happy before you showed up and ruined it!” Brian stalked over to Michael who had been standing in front of Justin, yelling at the blonde. Brian got between Justin and Michael. “Justin didn’t ruin anything. He made everything better for me, Michael.”

 

Michael stared at Brian in shock, as the other man continued talking. “Because of him I’m changing. I’m changing for the better.” Michael sneered. “I don’t think it’s for the better, and I’ve always pointed you in the right direction, Brian. Besides, what do you really know about this guy? He could be a complete and utter psycho.”

 

Justin laughed. “No thanks Mikey, I’ll leave that job to you. Complete and utter psycho and stalker.” Justin smirked. “Brian!” Michael cried, outraged that Brian would let the blonde talk to him this way. Brian only motioned to the door. “You heard Justin, he told you to leave our home.” Michael turned his angry gaze on Justin. “I’ll get you for this. You ruined everything!”

 

Brian slammed the door in Michael’s face, locked it, and then turned back to Justin. “Sorry about that. Michael is a little overprotective of me.” Justin snorted. “Its more like he’s fucking obsessed when it comes to you. And I thought sorry was bullshit?” Brian sighed and then said softly, “Not when you mean it.” Justin smiled, and then he walked over to his partner.

 

The blonde pulled the man close, and kissed him. As they moved from the living room to the bedroom, the two men shed their clothes. Michael on the other hand, angrily went over to see his mother. He walked in the front door of his mother’s house, and started whining and complaining right away. “Ma, I can’t believe Brian! He kicked me out of the loft!” 

 

Vic, who had been upstairs, came down the staircase as his nephew walked in. He listened to Michael for a few minutes, to find out what the young man was so upset about. Then Vic decided to speak. “Michael, you and I talked about it. I thought that you were going to leave Brian and Justin alone so that they could be happy?” 

 

Michael rolled his eyes. “Can’t you see it? He’s not happy! Brian hates relationships, and somehow this fucking blonde twink has forced him into one! We need to figure out a way to get rid of him!” Debbie stared at her son. “Michael, you know better than that. Brian never does anything that he doesn’t want to do. No matter how much he changes, I know that won’t. So if he is with Justin, then I know that Brian really does love him. So stay the fuck out of their business.”

 

Brian and Justin lay in bed after they finished making love. Brian held Justin in his arms, happy to be with the man that he loved. They were talking about going to see Gus the next day. Justin wasn’t sure that it was a good idea. Brian had told him what Lindsay was like, and Justin thought that Lindsay might react the same way that Michael had.

 

“I just, I don’t want to get attacked by anyone else in your family. I’m pretty sure that Michael is playing the ‘poor me’ routine that he seems to have down pat. So maybe you could go and get Gus, and bring him back here, so that the three of us can spend the day together?” Brian pauses for a moment, and then he nods. “Okay, I’ll go pick up Sonny boy tomorrow, and the three of us will have a great day together.” Justin smiles, and then they drift off to sleep.


	13. Problems

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg)

 

The next day, Brian leaves early in the morning to go to work. He leaves a note on the counter for Justin, saying that after work he will go and pick Gus up, and bring the boy over to spend the night and the next night with them. On his way to work, Brian heads for the diner, to get a cup of coffee to go. As he stands at the counter after ordering his coffee, Brian sighs when he hears Michael, Ted, and Emmett’s voices.

 

When Michael walks over to him, Brian can’t help but wish that the service in the diner was a lot faster than it currently was. As the shorter man approached him Brian was finally handed his cup of coffee to go. He slapped his money down on the counter and started to leave, with Michael trailing after him. As he was about to leave the diner for work, Michael stopped him.”Brian! Why aren’t you having breakfast with us?! I never get to see my best friend anymore!”

 

Brian turned to face the shorter man. “Michael, my life is busy right now. I’m trying to help Justin, run my business, and see my son. I don’t have time to shoot the shit with you anymore. I’m busy and I have tons of responsibilities now.” Michael scoffs. “Oh please, I give it a few more days. Boy Wonder is going to do something to piss you off and you will toss him out on his ass. When you do, I will be there to see it happen.”

 

Brian pauses for a moment and he turns back to Michael. “You see, it’s comments like that that make me remember why you are no longer my best friend. I have a partner, Michael. You do too, so stop treating me as if nothing has changed, as if I haven’t changed. I’m trying to be a better person and Justin and Gus make me want to be one. Why can’t you just let me be happy? It doesn’t mean that you and I aren’t going to still be friends.”

 

With those words, Brian got into his car and headed to work. Justin on the other hand, rolled over in bed reaching for Brian. He sighed softly, not feeling Brian in bed next to him. Forcing his eyes open, Justin rolled his eyes when he realized that Brian was gone. The blonde kicked the covers off, and headed straight for the bathroom to take care of his personal needs. A few minutes later, after washing his hands, Justin walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. 

 

As he started to make his morning coffee, the blonde noticed a piece of paper sitting on the counter. Picking it up, he read the note that Brian left for him and smiled. After reading the note, Justin finished making his coffee and took a small sip of it. He doesn’t know what to do today so the blonde takes a seat at the table, trying to decide how he’s going to spend his day. As Justin is trying to decide, his cell phone rings.

 

Answering it, the blonde rolls his eyes when Michael’s voice comes over the line. “We need to talk. Can I come over to the loft?” Justin’s mouth drops open and he can’t believe his ears. “Michael, it’s early in the morning. Don’t you have to be at the shop? As a matter of fact, aren’t you there now?” Michael sighs. “Justin, I’ll come over for lunch then. But we really need to talk. It’s about Brian, I think something is wrong.”

 

Justin drops his cell phone in surprise at Michael’s words. Something was wrong with Brian? After a moment the blonde realized what had happened, and he quickly grabbed his phone once more. “Uh, sure Michael, you can come over. I’ll see you for lunch.” A few moments later, Justin hung up his cell phone, wondering what could possibly be wrong with Brian. Also, if something was wrong with Brian, why wouldn’t the man tell him?

 

Michael grinned as he hung up the phone in his shop. This was his chance to break up Brian and Justin. He would tell the blonde that Brian really wanted to make up with his mother and he would convince Justin to call Joanie and invite the woman over for dinner. When Brian got home and realized what Justin had done, the blonde would get tossed out on his ass. Michael smiled as he thought of his plan.

 

He took care of a few more customers, took care of some orders, shelved several different comics and then decided that it was time for him to take a lunch break. Besides that, Michael was in the mood to put his plan into action. The man smiled as he thought of how pissed off Brian was going to be and knew that no matter what, he would do anything to get rid of the young blonde. Michael knew that things were about to get a lot better now.

 

Thirty minutes later Michael was standing outside Brian’s loft. He knocked on the door and waited for Justin to answer the door. When the blonde unlocked and opened the door Michael pushed his way past the blonde, and into the loft. Justin rolled his eyes and closed the door behind Michael. “Now, what’s going on with Brian?” Michael bit back the grin he wanted to wear and said, “Brian misses his family. I think it would be a great idea for you to call his mother and invite her over for dinner tonight so that they can make up.”

 

Justin was speechless for a few moments, but when he could finally speak, he asked, “Are you crazy? Brian tells me all the time how much he can’t stand his mother. Why would I bring her here? She would just condemn him and make Brian feel like shit.” Michael shook his head “no”. “Brian just wants his mother back, Justin. But if you don’t want to help him, then that’s fine. I will go and do it myself.” Michael fake sighs. "I just thought that as his partner, you would love Brian enough, would care about him enough- to want to help him have his family once more. His family is all that Brian has ever wanted.”

 

As Michael starts for the door once more, he acts like he’s really going to leave. As Michael reaches the door, Justin’s words stop him. “I’ll do it.” Michael’s back is still to the blonde and his face lights up in glee. He couldn’t wait for Brian to find out and have the shit the fan with the problems this was going to cause. Turning back to face the blonde, Michael says, “Brian is going to be so grateful for having you help him to work things out with his mother.” The older man grins again, and then he finishes his lunch before getting up to leave once more. “I’ll call later to find out how the dinner goes.” Moments later, Michael is gone.


	14. Trying to Help

[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view&current=Drowning.jpg) Thanks to

 

Justin was setting the table for dinner when the door to the loft slid open and Brian walked in. After he finished setting the table, the blonde smiled when Brian approached him and pulled him into a tight hug. After a few moments though, Brian ended the hug. He looked at the way the table was set and asked, “What’s the occasion, Sunshine?” Justin swallowed nervously, wondering if he should just come out and tell the older man what he was planning.

 

After a moment though, the blonde decided to tell his partner only a portion of the truth. “We are having a guest for dinner. A special guest, so go take a shower and pick something nice to wear.” Brian wondered what was going on. He wondered why his blonde was acting so suspicious, but decided that he would find out the answer soon enough. So he nodded, kissed Justin, and then headed to off to take his shower. Justin stood there for a moment trying to gather his wits about him once more.

 

With a sigh, the blonde walked into the bedroom and finished dressing. He had taken a shower before Brian had gotten home but had changed into some jeans to be comfortable as he waited for the man to get home. Now that Brian was home, Justin knew that he had to be extremely careful about how he approached the topic of Brian’s mother with the man. Forty minutes later Brian was finishing up getting dressed, when he heard Justin buzz their mystery guess in. A smile on his face, he exited the bedroom and then froze at the sight that lay before him.

 

A moment later though Brian looked at Justin and asked, “What is this? What the hell is going on? Why is she here?” Justin sighed softly, knowing that he was going to have to explain now. So, he started speaking. “I decided that you and your mother should give a normal mother/son relationship a try.” Both mother and son stared at Justin, who simply stared back with an innocent expression on his face that said, “What?” Brian turned to his mother and was about to say something when Joan cut him off. “From what this young man has said to me, I take it you are ready to be part of the Kinney family once more?”

 

Justin cringed. He knew that anything said after that remark was not going to be pretty. Brian met his mother’s gaze dead on. “Not if it means that I have to give up my partner and my friends, and lie to myself and everyone else.” Joan pursed her lips and turned to Justin. “I thought you said that he wanted to be a part of my family once more. Apparently you lied to me, since he’s not willing to give up his disgusting lifestyle to save himself, and to stop being such an embarrassment to his family and anyone else who’s unfortunate enough to know him.”

 

Justin cringed and then started speaking. “Mrs. Kinney with all due respect, Brian is fine how he is. I asked you to come here so that the two of you could try and put the past behind you, so that you could still try to have a relationship with your only son.” Joan huffed haughtily. “As long as he continues to act as an abomination, I don’t have a son.” Brian rolled his eyes and then walked over to the door.

 

“Well Joan, I’m not going to be changing anytime soon. I’m gay, and this is how I was made.” Joan glared at her son. “You were not made to be an abomination. You just decided to be this way to spite me and the family. You know how I feel about homosexuals and what the bible says about them, yet here you are, throwing your soul away and giving it to the devil.”

 

Justin stared at Brian’s mother, unable to say anything else. Silence fell over the three of them for a few moments before Brian slid open the door and motioned for his mother to leave. Joan hurried out the door and, Brian slammed it shut behind her. Turning back to his partner, Brian stood silently waiting for an explanation. “Want to tell me what that was really about, Sunshine?”

 

Justin sighed softly and then told Brian the truth. “I spoke to Michael today and he told me how much you want your family back, and how much you want them to love you and care about you for who you are. I thought that by inviting her here, the two of you would talk and things would get better.” Brian walked over to the couch and took a seat on it.

 

“So you thought that Joan and I would talk and everything else would just fade away. You thought that we would become the perfect mother and son and would love each other like you and Jennifer do. That’s not going to happen, Justin. Joan is nothing like your mother. My family can’t stand me, and don’t want me. Finding out that I’m gay is the reason they have been looking for.”

 

Justin felt bad as he continued to listen to Brian speak. “Since finding out that I’m gay, my family now has a reason to ignore me and hate me. They can continue using me for my money and not have to feel guilty about it, because of the fact that I’m a disgusting homosexual, makes up for it.” For once, Justin wasn’t sure if he should speak or not.

 

But he decided to speak anyway. “I was just trying to help. Michael said that you wanted a better relationship with your mother. So I figured that I would try and make things better.” Brian paused for a moment after Justin spoke. He thought about what the blonde was telling him, and then realized what had really happened.

 

Looking up at the blonde, Brian motioned for his partner to take a seat next to him on the couch. “What Michael told you was only a half truth. Sure, I would like to have my family back, but not as they currently are. I don’t see this changing anytime soon, so I don’t want anything to do with them.” When silence settled over them once more, Brian got to his feet.

 

When Justin looked up and saw the look on his partner’s face, he knew what was going to happen. “Don’t be too hard on Michael. He’s in love with you, Brian, and has been for most of his life. Don’t go and hurt him, just get your point across that you don’t like how he interfered.” Brian, who had been sliding the door to the loft open, turned back and looked at his partner.

 

“Hey Sunshine, when did you get to be so smart?” Justin grinned. “I got a 1500 on my SATS. You knew how smart I was, going into this.” Brian laughed and then said that he would be back later. He was going to deal with Michael now, and set things straight with the man who was supposed to be his best friend.


	15. Not Drowning Anymore

  
Author's notes: Thanks to my friend/beta Judy, muffin_donat2007 for the wonderful banner and to all the readers. Thanks everyone!  


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[](http://s81.photobucket.com/albums/j234/Slanni/Art%20Made%20For%20Me/?action=view%C2%A4t=Drowning.jpg)

 

_Four months later_

 

Brian walked inside the house, closing and locking the door behind him. He loosened his tie and walked over to the computer desk, setting his briefcase down. Moments later he took off his jacket and draped it over the back of the chair. After kicking off his shoes, he headed for the studio to see if Justin was still painting.

 

A few minutes later, opening the door to his partner’s studio Brian smiled at the sight that greeted him. Justin was curled up on the couch in the corner, fast asleep. Turning his attention to the artwork that was on the floor drying, Brian realized with a smile what had finally happened with his blonde.

 

Justin was finally getting over his father’s death. The younger man had finally stopped blaming himself. A feeling of relief swept through Brian and he had to sit down next to his partner for a moment to gather himself together. After a few minutes he decided to wake the younger man up.

 

“Sunshine, wake up,” Brian said softly, running his fingers though the blonde’s hair. Justin’s eyes fluttered open slowly, then he blinked several times before waking up. “Hey,” Justin said softly, sitting up and making more room on the couch for Brian. “Hey, yourself. I see that you have something to tell me?” Justin grinned and then said, “Yeah, I do. It’s gonna make you happy.”

 

Brian laughed softly and hugged his partner. “Sunshine, you make me happy. Anything else is just a bonus.” Justin nodded and then a moment later said, “I’m not drowning any more. I don’t feel guilty all of the time now.”  Brian paused as what his partner was saying sunk in. “I’m glad. It’s about time that you finally understood. It wasn’t your fault at the time and it’s still not your fault, Sunshine.”

 

Justin nodded again and then got up. He walked out of his studio into their bedroom and went to the closet, grabbing his shoes. Brian got up a moment later and joined Justin in their room. “What’s up? Where are you going?” Justin grinned and turned back to Brian as he slipped on his socks and shoes. “I feel like going for a walk. You feel like coming?” Brian nodded. 

 

“Sure, Sunshine,” He said softly. Brian slipped on his socks and shoes a few moments later as well. Before either man knew it they were outside in the quiet darkness. It was pretty warm and the weather man said that it wasn’t going to rain, so neither of them were worried. “So, how are things going with your mother and Tucker?” Justin rolled his eyes at the question.

 

“Things are okay with them, I guess. They are still together, if that’s what you mean.” Brian shook his head no. “I mean, are they going to be getting married any time soon? Is your mother pregnant?” Justin’s mouth dropped open at his partner’s questions. “God, Brian. Don’t ask me that. And don’t make me think of my mother and Tucker having sex. Oh God! Now I’m fucking scarred for life. Thanks a lot!”

 

Brian chuckled softly. When Justin glared at him, the brunette started laughing out loud. “Sunshine, chill the fuck out. Your mother deserves to have a little fun, especially after all the crap that’s been going on.” Justin didn’t reply. He just walked closer to his partner and smiled slightly when Brian slipped an arm around his waist.

 

The two men walked around their neighborhood for two hours, not ready to go back to their house just yet. As they walked, Brian and Justin talked about their friends and family and their work. Strangely enough during the entire time Justin had spoken about his family, the blonde had never mentioned his sister.

 

“Justin, what’s going on?” When the blonde didn’t reply, he poked the younger man in the arm. “Justin,” Brian said his name again. When Justin looked at him, he repeated his question. “What’s going on?” Justin shrugged as if nothing were wrong. Brian rolled his eyes. “Let me be specific. What the fuck is going on with Molly?” At his partner’s sharp tone Justin flinched.

 

Brian saw Justin’s reaction and sighed. “I’m sorry for getting impatient with you. Now tell me what’s going on with your sister.” Justin ran a hand through his blonde hair. “Molly’s going though a stage right now. I love her but she’s being a brat. My mother is having problems getting her to calm down. Molly’s misbehaving in school and being rude to Tucker, amongst other things.”

 

Brian stopped walking and stared at his partner. “What other things?” Justin stopped as well and started telling Brian some of the other things that Molly had been up to lately. “She got suspended from school for fighting and then expelled for the same thing. Then she got caught by the cops for trying to steal a CD from a store. Finally she… She… She fucking had sex!”

 

Brian tried to stifle the laughter that wanted to leave him, so he just ended up smiling at his partner. “Justin, I’m sure you heard wrong.” Justin quickly shook his head no. “I’m not kidding, Brian. My sister is only a young teenager and she’s already having fucking sex. Oh God, what if she makes me an uncle? Oh God, she’s too fucking young!” Justin was pacing as he spoke.

 

After listening to the blonde freak out about his sister for a few minutes, Brian asked his partner how he had found out. “My mother told me. She went to check on Molly on Wednesday afternoon after school. When she walked into Molly’s room, she caught them having sex. Sex! Molly’s just a kid, Brian. What the hell is she doing? Besides fucking up her life, that is.”

 

Brian took a few minutes to calm down his partner. When he was sure that Justin wasn’t going to start freaking out once more, the brunette explained what they were going to do. “We are going to call your mother and sit down with her, Tucker and Molly and talk this entire thing out. We will find out why Molly’s acting like this and then we will deal with it.” Justin nodded. “Okay, I’ll call my mother and tell her we’re coming over tomorrow for dinner.”

 

The end.


End file.
